Choose Your Own Adventure: Guy Dragonslayer Pt. 4 – FUCK HIM UP

Guy decided the man had to go.

Guy unzipped his pants, and revealed the dragon. 28 inches of pure steel, with four veins pulsing down the sides, the dragonslayer in the flesh, was revealed.

The man stood there, dumbfounded, or perhaps it was out of fear…well, what would you do if you found yourself standing in front of a man with an 28 inch dick? The man wondered what he would tell his wife, his kids! – God, no, Jimmy, so young, so ripe, such small hands…and Janette –

*Slap*

Guy caught the man across the face. The man was knocked to his knees. Guy rushed forward and stuck his dick in his mouth – but clearly didn’t want to stop there. The man, could only suck as he was paralyzed by the blow to the face. He awaited his death sentence. Guy forced his dick down the man’s throat and into his stomach. The tingle of the stomach acid made Guy’s dick only harder. Guy did some squats and shook the man about. A minute later, the man went limp and fell off of Guy’s immense penis. The battle was won. The good men could come home. Then, a draft passed over Guy.

His dick shook, indicating life-form activity nearby. Naturally, the dick was never wrong, and indeed a woman stood in Guy’s now open doorway. Aphrodite had descended from the heavens. Guy decided to…

GO OVER AND WOO HER

OR

LAUNCH A SEMEN CANNON AT THE BITCH

Choose Your Own Adventure: Guy Dragonslayer - NO

Guy the Dragonslayer woke the fuck up submerged in dark water. panicing he swims toward the only light sorce he can see. one he surfaces he notices the light is a single 100watt bulb, that in itself woulent be odd if he wasnt in a cave. a very comeplete cave, in its cave-like nature. the whole thing was there, stone walls, not very smooth, and most importantly the feeling of very much deep underground. one thing the word cave seems to imply is a entrence or exit. as far as Guy could tell the only way in or out was in the water, or threw the etheral egg space (he didnt even eat the egg) luckly there is a shore. once he beached himself he sat for a good time. then a good time longer. days pasted and he realised he has not had a slightest sense of hunger. if he did it was just to give that sensory some imput (sand tastes bland, not very exciteing to our heros tounge) he masterbated non-stop. our pillgrim become a master at the nuences of masterbation, became a artisan of ejectulation. decades pass, no appearent sign of ageing. our pillgrim is under diress.

ATTEMPT TO EXIT

OR

STAY ON ISLAND

Choose Your Own Adventure: Guy Dragonslayer - EAT THE EGG

Guy holds the egg. guy then holds the egg close to his mouth . guy then opens his mouth. he is about to embed this egg into his cellular prosesses when; a tone, riseing first in pitch, then in intenstity, then in sensory input focus, this force rises until his mind is riseing further into a etheral space best discribed as 1,000,000 cans of weed shotgunned. his body stretches to this abstract space all the way to the earth that houses his salty shitstained super-charged money body that has aten a egg (he didnt eat the egg) egg egg egg egg egg egg egg. in this headspace his mind sprouts roots that will one day be mapped by others that enter this space. the esseance of this space asks him "Y/N" via perfect empathy.

do a cross assesment of the bueno?

OR

NO

Choose Your Own Adventure: Guy Dragonslayer Pt. 4 - RAPE THE SMALL MAN

Guy decides to rape the small man. He says “I think your can needs opening,” and watches the mixture of fear and bewilderment grow in his eyes. Guy tears off his clothes and then the man’s. The man wants to resist at first, but then he is beguiled by Guy’s fiercely huge dick and balls. Guy feels wild, but not cruel. He would not just simply jump into things. He cradled one of the man’s tits in his hand and whispered sweet nothings into his ear as he ravaged his ass into a bloody, soupy mess. As he thrusted, ramming the man’s face into the floor, Guy wished he had a blunt. He felt bad ramming his humongous dong so far up the man’s ass that it would definitely do permanent if not fatal damage. He felt the dragon rising…

DESTROY THIS MAN’S ASSHOLE AND HIS LIFE

or

PULL OUT

Choose Your Own Adventure: Guy Dragonslayer Pt. 3 - CRACK OPEN THE EGG

Guy squats next to a perfectly good chair and arches his back over the egg. This is the least shit-smeared he's been in days. He wasn't having hot neurochemical sex in his mind with his disgusting mistress he loathes but ejaculates dopamine with because she's cheap and he likes to party, weed. Marijuana in its native latin tongue. Completely out of his element, it's no surprise the egg laying man was caught Guy off guard with a swipe between the legs. Grabbing his junk, the man quickly pulled Guy by his testicles and penis onto his stomach from behind. His loss of his center of gravity forced Guy to smash the egg with all his weight. Guy rolled off his egg smeared chest and stared at the man with shitting intensity, then he forced a smile awkwardly as if his impacted colon was now on TV and he had to act like he was joking or everyone would think he's weird. "Joke's on you faggot, I was going to do that to myself anyways." Guy's words strained through his clenched jaw like he was making Fuck You Spaghetti with them, and slowly they reached the man's brain and draped like penises over handrails onto his neural pathways until he slowly came to the connection that made it all make sense. "SHIT", yelled the man, recruiting his entire upper body into the yell as if to make his words more powerful, or possibly cheer his bowel movement on, "I SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS".

FUCK HIM UP

OR

SHOW HIM HOW STRONG YOU REALLY ARE

Choose Your Own Adventure: Guy Dragonslayer - HIGH

Guy moaned out a hard and crusty moan. "Holy jesus tits. Fuck." He said. He had pumped his poor microflesh limpy dicky into a state of perpetual godhood, and was now filling the jar with a healthy serving of man-milk. "This is gonna be some tasty shit goddamn" he said to himself while still ejaculating into the jar forcefully with the power of Zeus.
And that's when it happened, Guy Dragonslayer reached a moment of amazing orgasm so god-like and lovely that few have ever attained it and lived, and the few that do shit an egg. Guy did that. He shit out a nasty, big, fucking egg. A real fucking hard ass egg right out his fucking tight, virgin, sweet, lovely, hairy, nice ass. It came right the fuck out of it. "Holy shit fuck," Guy said to himself as it came out of his poor ass which had turned into a fecal-ridden man-vagina. After finally ejaculating his last bit Guy looked at the egg. It was a blue motherfucking dragon egg. "Fuck, shit. Fuck," Guy said. The fuck would he do with this shit?

EAT THE EGG

OR

CRACK OPEN THE EGG

Choose Your Own Adventure: Guy Dragonslayer Pt. 4 - CLEAN IT OFF WITH A SPOON

And so Guy began to spoon away his shit from his pants. He remembered what his two dads had told him in his youth,

“Always spoon away from the anus, or else you’ll enjoy the feeling too much.”

“Fuck those shitheads”, Guy thought. He was a real Dragonslayer and not some faked-homo-shit-shit of a bitch-tits. So Guy spooned into his anus, and god damn, did he enjoy the feeling. He didn’t know what was causing the sensation, but he assumed it was his shit. He decided to eat some of it so that he could feel empowered. After successfully, spooning down two pieces of shit, he realized he needed something to drink. He rolled over to his kitchen and found his electronic dick pump. Guy attached the pump to his half-an-inch micropenis and turned the setting to:

LOW

OR

HIGH

Choose Your Own Adventure: Guy Dragonslayer Pt. 3 - TELL THE MAN TO GO AWAY

The man looks with a solemn face at Guy one last time, and then walks away into the hot breasts of the day.
"What a homogay that was," thought Guy. Guy considered what to do now. He looked around and realized that he was stuck inside his room. He panicked for a second but then relaxed. Guy finally considered taking a shit, so he got up to do it. When he got up he realized it was dark as fuck all of a sudden. Guy realized that 5 hours had passed since the man had left him and that he had already shit his pants 2 separate times. "Shit," he thought to himself. "How am I going to clean this up..."

IGNORE THE MASSIVE SHIT STAIN ON YOUR ASS

OR

CLEAN IT OFF WITH A SPOON

Choose Your Own Adventure: Guy Dragonslayer Pt. 3 - ASK THE MAN TO SHOW YOU HIS CANS

The small man looks up into Guy's eyes and lets out one sole effeminate fart of glee, as he takes out a sack - smothered in fecal matter and burgers - and begins to show Guy his collection of cans.
"I only have 238 right now, please sir, give me all you can," the small faggot says while kneeling over Guy, crying to himself hysterically while continually letting out many small farts. Guy looks at the cans; some are nice cans, others are bad cans, and some are not cans at all. It was a fine collection, though, Guy had to admit that. This cause was a just one, he figured. Then he remembered that he was out of vodka to smoke and had a marijuana hangover. Guy slapped the man. They looked each other in the eyes. The man whimpered. Guy took off his pants, letting wild his uncontainable neanderthal dick.

RAPE THE SMALL MAN

OR

JUST GIVE HIM THOSE SHITTY CANS

Choose Your Own Adventure: Guy Dragonslayer Pt. 2 - LET THE MAN LET HIM OUTSIDE

Guy gets the man and tapes him to the window. Then he slowly moves his butt really close to his face. Just as the butt is about to touch a ferrari drives through the wall, badly injuring both of them. The man acts relieved that he didn't have to touch the butt of Guy but secretly he is disappointed. They casually check themselves into the hospital and lie down in their beds casually. One day after the man takes a shit he checks his bed pan and discovers a large blue dragon egg. Guy quickly snatches it away.

EAT THE EGG

OR

CRACK OPEN THE EGG